Postlude Paradox

     The biggest hurdle that I seem to have to leap over seems to be that of dealing with myself.  Yes, everyone has conflicted feelings about identity and stuff, but the hardest thing for me is dealing with the trait of selfishness-- arrogance, vanity, self-centeredness, hubris-- all included.  Contrary to popular belief, not all missionaries are happy-go-lucky beings people who just love to help people-- they're supposed to be, but we're human, too.

     Selfishness is the bane of a collective society.  It's also the capital of societal progress.  To be prideful, arrogant, and boastful may not puff a positive connotation, but replaced with words like, individualistic, unique, and set-apart, the feeling changes-- the definition doesn't.  The feeling that grips my soul, blotching a giant black spot in my heart has definitely hard for me-- the purpose of a Latter-day Saint's missionary service is to "lose his life for my [Jesus'] sake" so that one may find it (Matthew 16:25).  A mission has definitely scrubbed off a sizeable portion of that dark stain, but it still shows.

     Once you do all that you've ever wanted to do and there's nothing else really to do, that's when one  can discover a true sense of selflessness.  It may come earlier for some rather than for others, but through it can society can get along.

Selflessness is an end result of the battle that selfishness proclaims victory over your mind.

     Aforementioned, a big part of spiritual growth, maturity comes from losing yourself versus keeping yourself.  As God has made us into progressive entities-- people who have to learn, develop and grow-- we must come to realize how that can be.  Slowly, progressively, we must learn to hit the point when we learn to become charitable.  At the same time, we cannot mature without such a trait.  A paradoxical flaw, it was meant to be so that we may be closer to becoming whole.

Selflessness = peace
Selfishness = progress